Why I Cannot Quit Smoking
by Terra3
Summary: To Sanzo and Gojyo, smoking is more than just a bad habit.


Why I Cannot Quit Smoking

By Terra

The strange man smelled funny. It was an ashy smell, like burnt stuff. Burnt smelly stuff. His skin smelled like it, his breath smelled like it, and his leather jacket smelled like it. But the jacket was warm and inviting and the strange man had a nice smile so Gojyo didn't mind it so much. He'd miss Mommy, of course, but the strange man had told him that she was in a better place. He was going to have a new Mommy, the man also said, and a big brother, wouldn't that be nice?

As they sat and watched the waves crash into the shore, the strange man took out a white box, tapped it, and out came a thin white stick. The man put the stick in his mouth and instead of eating it, he lit one end on fire. He took a breath and out came a large cloud of smelly smoke. It was stronger than the smell on the strange man and his things but it wasn't unpleasant.

"That's neat," Gojyo commented, pointing at the smoke.

The man started and then relaxed, tapping the ash off the stick, "Cigarettes are bad for you, Gojyo."

"They smell nice," he added.

The man laughed. "Never thought I'd hear a non-smoker say that about Hi-Lites!"

XXX XXX

Sanzo woke up, in his bed, at Kinzan Temple, with a start.

"That smell," he said to himself. "That smell!"

He scrambled to his feet and ran down the hallways and corridors. The smell grew stronger and stronger until...

And there he was, Koumyou Sanzo, just sitting on the porch, taking a drag from his pipe. The tobacco smoke drifted up into the clear blue sky as he turned to Kouryuu and asked, "What's wrong?"

What was wrong? Everything was wrong! Koumyou was a year dead for starters. Sanzo had to wander the wilderness looking for the Seiten scripture. The effects of the Maten scripture either caused fainting spells or scared the crap out of him. He had to fight with youkai every other day, killing most of them. Sanzo was becoming a master at firing a gun and that frightened him more than anything because he no longer shook with fright when he saw their blood spilling out of them. And he was frightened of himself because he didn't know what he believed anymore or who he was. And he couldn't be strong, he couldn't be the Sanzo Koumyou had wanted him to be, he was weak and frightened and miserable and hateful and...

"Help me..." Kouryuu choked out in between sobs.

But Koumyou said nothing because he was dead and Sanzo was alone.

XXX XXX

"Kid, you okay?"

Sanzo sprung awake, shaking. He was in a tavern, empty except for a waitress and the bartender, who was now gripping his shoulder in concern. His face was sticky with tears and probably newsprint, seeing as the newspaper on the table was smudged as if he had been laying on it.

"I'm fine," Sanzo insisted, his voice cracked. "I'm fine."

The bartender backed off at Sanzo's glare and then continued to close his tavern as the young fourteen-year-old tried to rub the tears and newsprint off his face. As he sorted himself, he noticed the tobacco smell again. Looking around, he spotted the still lit cigarette hanging off an ashtray.

"So that's what it was."

"Huh?" The waitress asked. Sanzo pointed at the cigarette and she huffed, "Ugh, Mao, do you havta leave your stupid shit lying about?"

"You touch that cigarette, you die," the bartender snapped.

"What brand is that?" Sanzo asked.

"Eh? Marlboro, why?"

XXX XXX

Maybe what the village people used to say was true, the thing about taboo children bringing pain, Gojyo thought. He managed to kill his grandma, his mommy, and his daddy in the space of about three months. He nearly killed Jien and his new mommy too but they made it.

So Gojyo sat outside alone, again in the leather jacket but no waves this time, and played with the white box. Hi-Lites. Daddy smoked Hi-Lites, Gojyo thought to himself. But not anymore. He's with old Mommy now.

But the smell did not come from the box or the cigarettes inside. Putting the stick in his mouth also did not produce a smell (not to mention it was yucky). It took Gojyo awhile to figure out the lighter helped, and several tries (and burns) later, he managed to light the stick. The smoke was just as pretty as before. He amused himself with waving the stick back and forth causing the smoke to curl. His sadness fading, he threw off the coat and dancing around with the cigarette like a sparkler, forming giant hoops with the smoke and lighting the darkness with the burning ash.

And, to Gojyo, his daddy was still there with him.

XXX XXX

Sanzo finally got the hang of this smoking and not coughing thing. Of course, he told himself, he wasn't going to make a habit of this. Just a cigarette when he was feeling particularly lonely or sad, which amounted to about once a week. Just one cigarette about once a week, that was healthy, wasn't it? He could probably skip a week, if he wanted to.

He played with the pack. Today was the second anniversary of Koumyou's death. To top it off, it was raining and the only shelter he could muster up was a drafty cave.

And he'd already had his one cigarette for the week. But, damn it, he wanted another one.

He tapped the open end as he contemplated this dilemma. If he had another cigarette, then he would just skip next week's cigarette to balance it out. That was fair. This day was particularly crappy; next week probably won't be, right?

Nodding with resolution, he took out a cigarette and lit it, taking in the scent.

He shut his eyes and for a brief instant, he was back with Koumyou and the blue skies.

The End.


End file.
